Where do I start?

So, its been 3 years and I feel like a need to poke my head out of my proverbial shell and look around a little and start living… a lot. So what does this look like? On my ‘up’ days I want to grab life, travel, see the world, meet new people and be this ‘independent’, ‘insta’ woman… on my ‘down’ days I want to sink into the sofa, with a large Merlot and Gogglebox, me, Mildred and the cat… a strange but fitting family unit It’s the stomach lurching loneliness that hits you, when you believe you should be ‘living your best life’. For me that’s a Sunday afternoon or a Monday Bank Holiday, when I realise, he’s just not here and hasn’t been here for so long now….

So I could spend the rest of my life, wishing for what was my past life and now just a memory of a future that will never be, or I could get off my 50+ arse and start living… So I have chosen the later. And I have begun to date… Dating in your mid fifties, when you are held together by HRT patches and a view on the world that is pure sarcasm, is a potent mix and not for the light hearted… then there’s the poor buggars who I have dated (2 so far this year). The first was a blind date via a neighbour…. again for another day. Lets just say it only lasted 2 dates and the second date was arranged when I was 3 Peroni’s and half a bottle of Merlot down… The second was someone I ‘used’ to know in my late teens (think 1980’s Dynasty Dresses and enough Insette hair mousse to use your hair as kebab sticks). Meeting men in their early 60’s is not quite the same as dancing round your handbag to The Cult, whilst pissed out of your head on Hooch or Merrydown Cider….whikst being a carefree 18 year old…

So I’ve tried to meet new people and I promise I will keep trying…